n fact, you'll find foods in this world that don't even seem possible. Not just that they could exist, but that people would actually stick this stuff in their mouths without a gun to their head.
We've found six dishes that seemed to have sprung from Satan's own cookbook.
#6.Escamoles
From:
Mexico.
What the hell is it?
Escamoles are the eggs of the giant black Liometopum ant, which makes its home in the root systems of maguey and agave plants. Collecting the eggs is a uniquely unpleasant job, since the ants are highly venomous and have some kind of blood grudge against human orifices.
The eggs have the consistency of cottage cheese. The most popular way to eat them is in a taco with guacamole, while being fucking insane.
Wait, it gets worse ...
Escamoles have a surprisingly pleasant taste: buttery and slightly nutty. This hugely increases the chances that, while in Mexico, you could eat them without realizing you are eating a taco full of fucking ant eggs.
Danger of this turning up in America:
We're not sure Taco Bell hasn't snuck this shit into their food already. Just make sure you know what' in that burrito. Ask at the counter if you have to. Also, watch those ads close because they'll try to dress it up in some kind of friendly-sounding, pseudo-Mexican name.
#5.Casu Marzu
From:
Sardinia, Italy.
What the hell is it?
This, dear reader, is a medium-sized lump of Sweet Fucking Christ. Casu Marzu is a sheep' milk cheese that has been deliberately infested by a Piophila casei, the "cheese fly." The result is a maggot-ridden, weeping stink bomb in an advanced state of decomposition.
Its translucent larvae are able to jump about 6 inches into the air, making this the only cheese that requires eye protection while eating. The taste is strong enough to burn the tongue, and the larvae themselves pass through the stomach undigested, sometimes surviving long enough to breed in the intestine, where they attempt to bore through the walls, causing vomiting and bloody diarrhea.
Wait, it gets worse ...
This cheese is a delicacy in Sardinia, where it is illegal. That' right. It is illegal in the only place where people actually want to eat it. If this does not communicate a very clear message, perhaps the larvae will, as they leap desperately toward your face in an effort to escape the putrescent horror of the only home they have ever known. Even the cheese itself is ashamed; when prodded, it weeps an odorous liquid called lagrima, Sardinian for "tears."
Danger of this turning up in America:
There is significant danger here, as we're thinking the cheese companies have a lot of maggot stock in the back of their warehouse they'd like to get rid of. And, there may actually be a market for it. Self-loathing is a powerful force in this economy (see the diet section of your local supermarket) and there' times you get low enough that, damn it, you feel like you deserve nothing better than infested cheese.
#4.Lutefisk
From:
Norway.
What the hell is it?
Ahhh, Lutefisk. After the larvae-ridden cheese, it's a blessed relief to sample a clean, down-to-earth Scandinavian recipe.
A little too clean.
Lutefisk is a traditional Norwegian dish featuring cod that has been steeped for many days in a solution of lye, until its flesh is caustic enough to dissolve silver cutlery.
Wait, it gets worse ...
For those of you who don't know, lye (potassium hydroxide/sodium hydroxide) is a powerful industrial chemical used for cleaning drains, killing plants, de-budding cow horns, powering batteries and manufacturing biodiesel. Contact with lye can cause chemical burns, permanent scarring, blindness or total deliciousness, depending on whether you pour it onto a herring or your own face. Or, so the lutefisk industry would have us believe.
Danger of this turning up in America:
IT'S ALREADY HERE! Shit!
It' true, lutefisk is more popular in the United States than in Norway. What the hell are they doing with it? They're not eating it are they? Is it because it' a cheap alternative to colonic irrigation? Seriously, how do you advertise this stuff?
#3.Baby Mice Wine
We've found six dishes that seemed to have sprung from Satan's own cookbook.
#6.Escamoles
Mexico.
What the hell is it?
Escamoles are the eggs of the giant black Liometopum ant, which makes its home in the root systems of maguey and agave plants. Collecting the eggs is a uniquely unpleasant job, since the ants are highly venomous and have some kind of blood grudge against human orifices.
The eggs have the consistency of cottage cheese. The most popular way to eat them is in a taco with guacamole, while being fucking insane.
Wait, it gets worse ...
Escamoles have a surprisingly pleasant taste: buttery and slightly nutty. This hugely increases the chances that, while in Mexico, you could eat them without realizing you are eating a taco full of fucking ant eggs.
Danger of this turning up in America:
We're not sure Taco Bell hasn't snuck this shit into their food already. Just make sure you know what' in that burrito. Ask at the counter if you have to. Also, watch those ads close because they'll try to dress it up in some kind of friendly-sounding, pseudo-Mexican name.
#5.Casu Marzu
Sardinia, Italy.
What the hell is it?
This, dear reader, is a medium-sized lump of Sweet Fucking Christ. Casu Marzu is a sheep' milk cheese that has been deliberately infested by a Piophila casei, the "cheese fly." The result is a maggot-ridden, weeping stink bomb in an advanced state of decomposition.
Its translucent larvae are able to jump about 6 inches into the air, making this the only cheese that requires eye protection while eating. The taste is strong enough to burn the tongue, and the larvae themselves pass through the stomach undigested, sometimes surviving long enough to breed in the intestine, where they attempt to bore through the walls, causing vomiting and bloody diarrhea.
Wait, it gets worse ...
This cheese is a delicacy in Sardinia, where it is illegal. That' right. It is illegal in the only place where people actually want to eat it. If this does not communicate a very clear message, perhaps the larvae will, as they leap desperately toward your face in an effort to escape the putrescent horror of the only home they have ever known. Even the cheese itself is ashamed; when prodded, it weeps an odorous liquid called lagrima, Sardinian for "tears."
Danger of this turning up in America:
There is significant danger here, as we're thinking the cheese companies have a lot of maggot stock in the back of their warehouse they'd like to get rid of. And, there may actually be a market for it. Self-loathing is a powerful force in this economy (see the diet section of your local supermarket) and there' times you get low enough that, damn it, you feel like you deserve nothing better than infested cheese.
#4.Lutefisk
Norway.
What the hell is it?
Ahhh, Lutefisk. After the larvae-ridden cheese, it's a blessed relief to sample a clean, down-to-earth Scandinavian recipe.
A little too clean.
Lutefisk is a traditional Norwegian dish featuring cod that has been steeped for many days in a solution of lye, until its flesh is caustic enough to dissolve silver cutlery.
Wait, it gets worse ...
For those of you who don't know, lye (potassium hydroxide/sodium hydroxide) is a powerful industrial chemical used for cleaning drains, killing plants, de-budding cow horns, powering batteries and manufacturing biodiesel. Contact with lye can cause chemical burns, permanent scarring, blindness or total deliciousness, depending on whether you pour it onto a herring or your own face. Or, so the lutefisk industry would have us believe.
Danger of this turning up in America:
IT'S ALREADY HERE! Shit!
It' true, lutefisk is more popular in the United States than in Norway. What the hell are they doing with it? They're not eating it are they? Is it because it' a cheap alternative to colonic irrigation? Seriously, how do you advertise this stuff?
#3.Baby Mice Wine
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